[words i wrote on the 20th and forgot to publish. the deep red was the color of the un-faded side of grace’s rug.]
some words that won’t let me forget them.
:a stitch a day:
i’m run ragged these past several months. but feeling good. accomplishing some things. some things that have been on the plate since childhood. accomplishing seems like the wrong word, but it’s right.
every moment becomes filled with some thing that pops up right before it arrives. cooking cleaning washing caring for…
i’ve been stitching in my dreams. weaving and piecing cloth in there… deep red and indigo blues.
the only solos i can escape to do, have to be outside activities where i can become :hidden:
watering tending digging mixing…
the compost was done enough on sunday. we mixed it with the sandy soil we dug up. it smells rich. just can’t get enough of the smell.
spent the weekend in roswell.
drove there twice. spent too much time in the goodwill the first day. store we needed to get to closed before we could get to it.
found this book at goodwill. the author sounded familiar so i opened to a random page.
said “Navajo horses always shy away from new things.”
or something similar.
i bought it.
a light bulb had just turned on in my head that morning. had been going on with daily routine and i realized that something was missing (couldn’t put my finger on it). looked down and…
found around the middle of august. in a parking lot as i got out of the car.
this is where my g-uncle used to be sent by my g-aunt to when he was feeling a little too ‘SPIRITed’… hahahahaha
that was a very long while ago.
dad’s letting me renovate it for a sewing workshop. i’m doing the work (his health prevents more), he’s ‘learning’ me on what to do. little niece and i ripped out and hauled away the drywall yesterday.
last week we cleaned it all out. it was jam packed with stuff… boxes, cans, spiders and webs.
today i get up on the roof.
and thrown away.
a morning sitting tired. wondering what the hell happened over the past three months.
taken the morning after my last day at work (about 2weeks ago now) before a (i thought — complicated story) short summer break.
i think my feet are swollen and maybe that’s why i focused on them. i can’t remember.
i wonder if life is really trickier now than when i was young or maybe i was just oblivious to it?
one of the nieces’ homework papers.
for some reason it jumped out at me
while i was cleaning.
not sure why yet
over the past several days, i’ve been exposed to words that have shifted my perception.
been reading so many blogs that have so much in their new year’s posts (and comments!).
being in the NOW…
journeys tracks time…
round back to HOME…
i’ve seen these concepts before of course, but hearing them now in this leg of the journey seems to be the key.
the reality of there being this one moment has re-penetrated.
the importance of that being all there is. and that each moment takes care of itself.
moments seem to be important to me right now. sneaking moments here and there. and investigating why the perception of ‘sneaking’ is. this too has had a light shone on it through the BOOK grace has given me.
feeling that at any moment i may not be free to have this last holdout of me. stitching. a remnant of an image of my handmade life. thoughts of a life made by my own hands. of my own fashioning.
that at every moment, there’s a boogey man lurking just behind my shoulder waiting to take it all away. again.
but in THIS moment he is not here. i am sitting here on this computer typing FREE. free to type to stitch to read. and those moments are REAL, not fleeting, as my perceptions would have me believe.
and the last words i just read were :the word moment is rooted in the Latin word momentum:
moment –> momentum –> movement
moment is not a holding on to for dear life thing. it is an enjoying it for what it is thing. a thing that can propel me into the next one. and into the next…
i think this will be my thought beginning this new year/block of time…