momentum

i wrote down on this past winter solstice
in a margin somewhere
‘thumb out hitching a ride on the awakening’

i don’t know if i wrote it here, but the desire to catch a ride with the ‘baby sun’
so many things happened in houston…
it was as if enough was enough, i think.
being prepared to put freedom over security
a shift occurred inside.
being away from the events that happened there
i see that it was a shadow that has been following me for quite a while now.  living in denial, constantly pushing forward, making allowances so the equation can fit a fear filled version of reality
clouds the mind.

so now i’m back living in ‘the trailer’
after a little pitstop with mom
(there was more revealing happening there, with mom)
mom didn’t allow sewing at her place
(mom’s place is like a museum…  no mess, no fun to be had there.
just shhh…  be quiet and ‘look pretty’.  old rule was ‘seen and not heard’, now ‘hidden and silent’)
but i snuck some stitches here and there anyways.
took me back to teenage years (defiance for living)
which was good to revisit and awaken and face and clarify some feelings thoughts concepts.

so now i am here in this moment.
still going along for the ride.
and i think, realizing really that is all you ever CAN do…

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12 responses to “momentum

  1. be and continue. yes.

    • thank you jude. being and continuing.
      continuing in(on?along?) the continuum.
      “In mathematics, “the continuum” is sometimes used to denote the real line… Every part of the real line is said to be a continuum… A continuum is something every part of which has parts.”
      hmmm…
      the real line

  2. Amazing that ‘stitching’ could be forbidden — but sad for the person who forbids it. My very best thinking, my ability to put things into perspective and my view of the future all come alive as my fingers move with needle and thread. My very best to you.

    • thank you penny.
      yes and my mom is the one who started me stitching!
      i think life has been hard for her lately and it is an attempt to find control.
      that everything have a starch-like beauty.
      like a picture in a frame. the life she tried to create. and that we (the children) would (could) not comply with.
      i grew up in a sanitized house, but now… it’s even more so!
      and i never thought that could be possible.
      she has tried to become less hard emotionally, but it appears to have just shifted to other areas…

      stitching has become like breath and dreaming for me. being away from it made me understand and appreciate my relationship with it better, i think.

  3. hey!
    thinking about you.
    hang tough
    hand loose

  4. Its hard to explain to people who don’t stitch but it can be so meditative and yet exhilarating. Hey and the ‘mess’ is so easy to clean up (better than painting *smile*).

    • haha! yes! our family does a whole lot of *painting smiles*
      meditative is not in their A-type vocabulary
      slow = unproductive = lazy
      in mom’s words concerning mess ‘an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure’ or ‘cleanliness is next GODliness’ might run a close second…
      any type of mess speaks ill of one’s character
      so i am WAY down in her list of’ reputables’
      i’d never quite understood that before
      but i’m learning to be cool with it and to go my own way
      getting a tougher skin so i can SEE

  5. ooops i just ‘liked’ this post on accident… hmmm… i do REALLY like the conversation though. it’s helping so much!
    thank you!!!

  6. hey hi
    yes. mom’s, and the shift, and mess, and reputable or not, yes. many stories in there. bits of them quite familiar. we shift, they shift, the world shifts, sometimes its an earthquake, sometimes a ripple. just different dance steps i think.

    • hi manya! sorry took me so long… i don’t have regular internet anymore.
      yes so many shifts going on. still.
      and how does that saying go? ‘i’m dancing as fast as i can’, but instead of fast… really really really slow this time around. 🙂
      much much love!

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