i wrote down on this past winter solstice
in a margin somewhere
‘thumb out hitching a ride on the awakening’
i don’t know if i wrote it here, but the desire to catch a ride with the ‘baby sun’
so many things happened in houston…
it was as if enough was enough, i think.
being prepared to put freedom over security
a shift occurred inside.
being away from the events that happened there
i see that it was a shadow that has been following me for quite a while now. living in denial, constantly pushing forward, making allowances so the equation can fit a fear filled version of reality
clouds the mind.
so now i’m back living in ‘the trailer’
after a little pitstop with mom
(there was more revealing happening there, with mom)
mom didn’t allow sewing at her place
(mom’s place is like a museum… no mess, no fun to be had there.
just shhh… be quiet and ‘look pretty’. old rule was ‘seen and not heard’, now ‘hidden and silent’)
but i snuck some stitches here and there anyways.
took me back to teenage years (defiance for living)
which was good to revisit and awaken and face and clarify some feelings thoughts concepts.
so now i am here in this moment.
still going along for the ride.
and i think, realizing really that is all you ever CAN do…